the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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