he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
