I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
