The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
