you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
