Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
