Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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