I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
