Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
