it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
