1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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