Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize