Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
