Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
