Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
