im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
