Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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