Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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