youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Less talking, more tequila
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you remember whose house we're in?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
