Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
