I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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