Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
