The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
