I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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