a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize