Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
