im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
