Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
