I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A+ Viking dick
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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