i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
