His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
