Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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