3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
