I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
