this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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