I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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