i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
