Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
