it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
