what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
