Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
