how can u be prego again
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
