All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
