Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
