it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
