her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Im part way to drunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
