I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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