oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
