My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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