I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
