One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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