fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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