maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
