I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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