Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
