she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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