dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
