another moral hangover. fuck.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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