When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize