If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
