Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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