so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize