we have pet lesbian snakes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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