News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
