I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
