so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
