Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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