He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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