the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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