Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
